You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
