Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
