Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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