I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
