I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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