I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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