the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
