I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
