I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
