So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
