i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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