I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
