Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
