I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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