I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
