I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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