What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
