You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
