The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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