Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
