Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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