is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
