remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
