so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
