The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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