there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize