I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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