Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
