i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
