you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
