You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
