apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
