Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
