We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
