I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize