Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
