she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
