So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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