i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
