I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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