Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
