do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
