I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So much Jack, so little girl.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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