I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
