hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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