Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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