Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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