Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
