I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
