I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
