This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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