I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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