OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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