you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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