i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
