Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize