I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
