Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
