you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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