WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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