id be glad to
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
