You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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