forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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