Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
