Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
