Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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