Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
