Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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