Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
