Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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